Connection Disruptors: The monsters in our closet

If you’re following along on LinkedIn, you know that this month’s focus is: Connection Disruptors. 

These are some of the most common connection disruptors I see (and battle myself!):

👉🏼 Ego

👉🏼 Imposter Syndrome

👉🏼 Fear of Failure

Recognizing these in our leadership doesn’t mean we’re bad leaders; it just means we have opportunities to learn and overcome these barriers in order to build better connection, healthier teams, and more fruitful outcomes. 

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Welcome back to the Leader’s Playground. Let’s dive in!

Lessons in Leadership

For years, my imposter syndrome stood out as a major connection disruptor and prevented me from showing up as an authentic, valuable leader. Where did that horrible belief—the voice inside telling me I’m not good enough as I am—come from? 

My family loved me very much, and they were also quite different from me. My grandfather was a renowned academic, a lifelong professor of theology at the University of Aberdeen, and his son, my father, was a leading doctor and led to the use of ultrasound technology to measure babies’ hearts. (Yeah, big shoes.) 

They were logical men, and they hoped for me to be very logical and intellectual, too. But I’m an experimenter at heart, driven by curiosity and a desire to learn about the world around me through trial and error. It took some time to own this identity, though, and what a struggle it was as I moved about through life always disappointed in myself for not being something other than what I was. 

Until I realized what I hope each of us realizes before our lives are over: The greatest service I can do the world is to be the truest version of myself, and to offer my authentic skills as they are rather than as I think they should be. 

I have Design Thinking to thank for helping me see that my experimental nature is really a huge asset—especially in my line of work, coaching others to be better leaders. 

Growing up in school, we were taught that to love the answer, not the problem. We showed up to exams not caring whatsoever about the problem but rather hoping we had the right answer somewhere within. It might get you through uni, but it’s a terrible way to grow as a leader. 

When I was first exposed to Design Thinking, I unlearned all that. Showing up with an answer was the only way to be wrong. 

Instead, you simply observe what’s in front of you, without judgment. Then, you start to look for patterns. And once you see patterns, you explore what new processes or opportunities there might be. 

You learn to fall in love with the possibility that arises from not knowing. 

But, as I said, it took me a long time to arrive here. A lot of my imposter syndrome is based on my intellect, and the limiting belief that if I’m not the smartest person in the room, with all the answers to every client’s problem, then I’m not good enough. 

I allowed my fear of failure—my inherited belief that value comes from having the answer—to prevent me from leaning into my greatest asset and what I believe is an invaluable skill for leaders: my experimental mindset. 

That experimental mindset allows me to go into an organization, or a group of people, and observe, analyze, explore, and discover. Seeing the payoff in those I work with has helped me leave my imposter syndrome behind, because the ideas I bring to the table now are the ones that come naturally through experimentation rather than from forcing something just to have an answer. 

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Imposter syndrome lies to us. It comes from the beliefs we inherit from the world around us, not from what is true about who we are. 

And if we can confront it—especially by nurturing and honoring our own unique, authentic value—we can start to loosen its grip on us and our leadership journey. 

What part of you might not be shining brightly because you believe you should be different somehow? Is that the part of you that the world needs most? 

What to Read This Week

Yesterday was International Women’s Day, and my team at PotentialSquared has written a wonderful blog highlighting some powerful women and their stories of combating self-doubt, setbacks, workplace biases, and imposter syndrome in their journeys of professional success. 

I loved the words from Katherine Breuss, Head of our US team, about imposter syndrome: 

“The imposter syndrome fear is based on a belief and behind that belief is an idea, a thought. When you think about what a thought really is, it’s not real. It is an ever-constant moving ticker tape that is full of invisible ideas. Those ideas do not come to life until we latch on and package them with a meaning. The beauty of this is that we can choose what to latch on, we can choose to let go, and we can choose to wrap it up with any meaning we want.

When we see how our experiences are truly brought to life, there is less fear and more authenticity. Imagine what you could do and who you would bring to the table in this space. What if you were your own best friend instead of an imposter? How different would your thoughts be?”

Read the full blog on P2’s site now!

The Leadership Tales Podcast

This most recent episode of The Leadership Tales Podcast highlights the charismatic, kind, and insightful Chris Tuff (on Instagram @tuff22). 

This man has a knack for connecting with even the most unlikely of people—he even befriended a grumpy audience member who looked like he’d rather be anywhere other than listening to Chris talk! 

Through his energy, humor, and captivating storytelling abilities, Chris empowers audience members to tap into their full potential—professionally and personally. His engaging style and practical lessons on authenticity can be implemented immediately and have lasting impact long after attendees leave the room.

In this episode we discuss networking and connection, paying it forward to others, and what it means to “Save your asks.” Thanks, Chris, for coming on the show and sharing your wisdom around connection!

Be sure to check it out and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts—and if you can, please leave a review. Each review helps put our show in front of more listeners, which means more opportunities for those who need them. 

Finally, if you know of someone you think would be a great guest on the show, reply and let me know about them. I want to share stories from leaders making a positive difference in the world—and the more tales we tell, the better. 

Until next time...

Connection is a powerful gift and a challenge—and we all have our own unique “connection disruptors” that get in the way of forming those meaningful relationships with our friends, family, and teams. 

And if you have questions or thoughts to share, please don’t hesitate to respond to this email. I’d love to chat with you. And if you like what I’m doing and have someone who might enjoy it too, please forward them this email or invite them to subscribe below. 

See you in two weeks!

Cheers,Colin

To learn more about my book, Be More Wrong: How Failure Makes You an Outstanding Leader, click here.