Gathering, gratitude, and... Ego?

Last Thursday (when I usually send out The Leader’s Playground) marked the start of the holiday season for my friends in the US. Turkey, football, naps on the sofa, maybe joggers if the meal was really good… And hopefully a lot of gathering and gratitude. 

I’ve only celebrated one true Thanksgiving, but the themes of gathering, gratitude, and community really speak to me. 

For holidays on our side of the pond, my grandmother was always big on inviting people over who didn’t have family close by to celebrate with. This was exemplary of her generosity and warm heart, but it also speaks to me now as a leader. 

We’re often so careful about who we invite to our table—literal and metaphorical—for one reason or another. “This person made a scene last time,” or “It’s more comfortable when it’s just the family.” 

But inviting new friends—even strangers—to share time with us helps break the echo chamber that we become so accustomed to. By bringing new faces and voices to our circle, we renew ourselves with fresh perspectives. 

If you celebrated last week, I hope it was full of warmth, community, and gratitude (and relatively free of the onslaught of Black Friday marketing emails). I’ve waited to send this until now because I wanted to honor my American readers who celebrated Thanksgiving, and also because I think there’s a valuable lesson that awaits us on the Monday after a holiday.

While it’s relatively easy to lean into gratitude and peace, patience and community when we’re on holiday, it’s a lot harder to maintain that mindset when we crash headfirst into our normal routine on Monday. 

Will you join me in holding on to that gratitude and sense of connection and community as we move forward through the end of the year? 

It’s not easy, but then again, nothing worth doing is.

Welcome back to The Leader’s Playground. I’m glad you’re here.

What I'm Curious About This Week

In the last issue, I shared Ryan Holiday’s book Discipline Is Destiny. After recently finishing that read, I started his newest: Ego Is the Enemy. What a daunting title! 

Talking about ego can be really uncomfortable, especially if it’s not something we’ve opened up about before. But each and everyone of us has an ego—and luckily so, because we couldn’t really function without one. It gives us a sense of reality and tethers us to the material world.

But when our ego grows from a tool for navigating daily life, into something that wreaks havoc in our lives, it’s time to reassess. 

Unhealthy ego prevents us from authentic connection with those around us, be it our friends, family, or teams. And it makes leadership a hell of a lot harder. 

Ego can also prevent us from feeling gratitude and peace with the present moment. Ego always wants more, bigger, better. Not that striving for growth is inherently bad, but the ego is, ironically, connected to another downfall I discuss often: Imposter Syndrome. 

The ego is imposter syndrome’s brave face, its foot soldier, its sidekick. Imposter syndrome says “I’m not good enough,” and the ego says, “I’ll fix that.” 

And out goes the ego on a mission to prove itself—through all the wrong means. 

If I’m honest with you, ego is the single biggest destroyer I’ve had in my career. The part of me that doesn’t believe I’m worthy (hello, imposter syndrome) always wants to be somebody else, to have more acclaim, to prove my worth. 

And it aims to accomplish those well-intentioned but twisted goals by shoving out others so that I can prove myself. 

What ego doesn’t realize, though, is that success only comes from leaving the ego at the door and allowing others to be successful alongside and with me. Success comes from uplifting and praising others, and even stepping back to make space for my team to thrive without me. 

When my ego believes I must be front and center to be worthy, it prevents me from allowing the vulnerability necessary to connect in meaningful ways with my team and loved ones. And if there’s any time of year when I most want to be at ease and grateful for those alongside me, it’s now. 

Ego isn’t always easy to recognize, and it’s certainly not easy to talk about, but I don’t think I’m alone in this experience. So many of us leaders feel that imposter syndrome, and probably almost as many of us have an ego at the ready to help “fix” our sense of un-belonging. 

Do you have a passionate ego ready to snuff out imposter syndrome? If you check in, do you find that it’s working healthily to your benefit, or is it perhaps causing more trouble than help? 

From the Lab at P2

Great coaches build great teams. In the P2 Lab, our complete focus at the moment is on the ins and outs of the coaching relationship and, namely, how to improve critical coaching conversations. 

One person in particular whose work I admire is business and leadership growth coach Mark Green. He embodies the values we elevate here at P2, including trust, empowerment, and setting healthy expectations. 

Mark has written specifically about the danger of elevating heroics in the office, and I love both this message specifically, as well as what it teaches us about working together in community rather than as isolated, competitive individuals. 

“We are conditioned to applaud and reward heroes,” but as Mark warns, “Heroics are neither scalable nor sustainable.” Eventually, teams “become bitter and resentful about having to constantly be a ‘hero’ just to keep the business running.” 

Ironically, the holidays can be a time where heroics are most applauded. 

Whether it’s your team wanting to go above and beyond on a special project built around the season, or simply trying to complete everything on their list so they can actually unplug on their days off, it’s not uncommon to see a surge in “heroic” behaviors at the year’s end. 

But heroics aren't just limited to the craze of the holidays. Heroics are often—dangerously—linked to the ego we visited above. The ego wants to do more and be better than all its "competitors." The wise self aims to win alongside its teammates. 

How can you, as a leader or mentor, avoid applauding heroics and, instead, encourage healthy boundaries and sustainable habits? How can you reward connection and compassion, rather than competition? 

Your team will thank you come Q1 of 2023 when they return to the office refreshed and ready to tackle the new year, rather than resentful and afraid of the pressure to continue meeting unrealistic expectations. 

The Leadership Tales Podcast

This episode came out earlier this month, but I loved it so much I want to highlight it again. Melanie is sharp, compassionate, and wonderfully philanthropic in all her endeavors—and this conversation comes at the perfect time for the holiday season. 

Melanie Dulbecco is the CEO of Torani, a mutli-million dollar company with roots in a family business founded in 1925, and an incredibly community-oriented, philanthropic leader. As Torani has grown, expanded, and undergone serious challenges such as the Covid-19 pandemic and “The Great Resignation,” Melanie has embodied the company’s values of improving community, encouraging upward mobility, and using business as a force for good.

What a champion of connection. 

If the recent time of gratitude and gathering has you wondering how you can give back in your work, this episode is for you. Give it a listen here! And if you feel like leaving a review (or tips for me on how to become a better host), I invite you with gratitude for sharing. 

Thanks for joining me for another issue of The Leader’s Playground. I appreciate each and every one of you—and especially the responses and questions you send my way.

I hope my American friends had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, and that everyone reading this is looking forward to the coming season and start of a new year in just over a month. 

I'm particularly excited about the next few issues of The Leader's Playground...

If you have questions or thoughts to share, please don’t hesitate to respond to this email. I’d love to chat with you. And if you like what I’m doing and have someone who might enjoy it too, please forward them this email or invite them to subscribe below. 

See you with the next issue. Be well!

Cheers,Colin

To learn more about my book, Be More Wrong: How Failure Makes You an Outstanding Leader, click here.